A Response to a young man on Reddit

Reddit suffers from a massive dose of power tripping when it comes to removing posts for arbitrary reasons. As such, whenever this happens, I will be posting my saved text here to insure that Redditors cannot silence opinions whenever they like.

The first amendment rules supreme.

Posted on the mensrights forum on 8/21/23:

Posted by

18 hours ago

“I went on three dates last week, with three separate girls. None of them wanted me. Every time I try to vent about it to friends everyone always blames me.”

My response:

You are investing massive importance to what you consider to be “dates” rather than to be much more casual and less invested in the outcome. View them as a quick lunch or coffee and make it clear to your next outing with a lady that you are asking them out on a lark as you talk to them, like it is just a passing thought you wanted them along for lunch… When you leave them wondering if it is a date or not and approach them from a standpoint that you do not NEED them (as you should), then you are on the right track. It isn’t about them approving of you. It is about you gracing them with your precious time. You have been buying into the “woman has all the power” game and are ticked off because you have been believing the hype and then are surprised at the results? You are giving away the two things that would help you: Your personal power and dignity. Sorry to be blunt, but this is hard advice you need to hear from an old bull.

Dress casual but nice, BELIEVE in yourself and be confident, and just talk to the ladies, not as romantic pursuits, but as people just like you and be yourself. And when you ask one out for that casual coffee, you control the time and place, plus cut it off at a time of your choosing and leave them wanting more. And if you are told no to a coffee, just smile and say “Cool” and walk away unphased by the rejection. A lot of times they reject you to see what you’ll do and if you just walk away happy, it gets under their skin.

They literally cannot take a guy who sees right though the game and doesn’t give a shit one way or the other. Trust me, I’ve been where you have been and had the entire sack of so-called “good advice” horsesh*t of how to try to appeal to women tossed at me from well-meaning people and have been crapped on by women who were virtual supermodels, beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside as a result of my troubles. It was only when I began rejecting the supermodels and asked women who were a 5 out of 10 on looks, with a nice personality for a casual coffee (in front of other women), the 10-supermodel women were freaking out… Trust me, they NOTICE this, and it will eat at them. You’ll be sought out if you take this advice… Note that the 5-women are often the most beautiful on the inside and you will notice their physical beauty transforms them into an 11 or 12 on the scale, because their true self shines through as a result of your wise choice.

You won’t be perfect at first, but with experience comes confidence, and that is what women react to. And if you treat them like an afterthought as a casual lunch friend who you happen to ask to dine with you, they will love you for it…

Remember, men, by women’s own definition of them, get better as they age. Women, however, have a very limited time to rope in guys and they KNOW this. Why do you think they act the way that they do? They want to project power, and they do have a lot of it, but the man is the initiator, even in today’s dating arena, and they often wait for a LONG time between being approached. This works in men’s favor, if the man plays the cards right and views these interactions as nothing more than casual interactions, HE assumes the power-role and this is what defines a man who knows women and what he is doing. It takes time to get these skills… Most men have to learn this stuff the hard way before it clicks. Some never do and have poor romantic lives as a result. Be the one that succeeds by changing your approach. You already know what you have been doing doesn’t work, so now give what works a try.

Stop the dating… Do lunches and coffees, control the place and time, be confident, quit caring what the women think, and watch what happens. Keep us informed how you do if you take this course of action.

Good luck young man…

This is very well said. I really think going for the 5-6s with potential is the sweet spot. If they can keep fit, or have the motivation to, they can be transformed quite nicely. The 8-10s have spent the majority of their life having everything served on a platter for them… this has a huge effect on their personality and expectations.

level 3

It is an odd thing that the physical beauty can be a mark against a woman, but I HAVE run into women who are at once strikingly beautiful in a physical sense, and also with an even more beautiful personality. It does happen. Unfortunately, there are many more who become twisted by the emphasis on that outer beauty. One of my old mentors said it best however, when it came to a woman of great exterior beauty who insulted him in front of everyone when he complimented her. He sat back and looked at her and then said “Beauty fades. Dumb is forever” and then walked away, leaving her nearly in tears.

The 5s and 6s seem to the be the ones with the most balanced and gentle souls. They are genuine in spirit and exude inner beauty naturally. When they succeed, I have seen the 8-10s absolutely go nuts wondering “what does she have that I don’t?” – It takes them a long time to get the message, and usually that is by their late 30s when time begins make his presence felt in their lives and their beauty fades.

level 2

· 6 hr. ago · edited 6 hr. ago

This is definitely correct. I would highly recommend reading the books: The Book Of Pook and the Pook Manifesto and possibly even Anti-Dumps Machine. Those are literally the only two-three books I would say that would alter your perspective and understand how women think and how you should think as a man. I swear that these books will change your life and will put you in a powerful position as far as dating. Take women off a pedestal and see if they are worth having around. They might be attractive to you, but if they are not super interested in you specifically instead of what you are doing, they are rotten on the inside or they are just not that interested in you and that is low interest and that should turn you off, so you leave with your head up high. Women treat men they are actually interested in way differently than other men. Pay attention to their attitude and how interested they are in you and whether or not they follow your lead. If they feel like they have to have an input about everything, they are controlling and want to boss your around. You don’t want that. The main thing is to stop caring about what they think, so you don’t end up getting controlled by them. You are going to be yourself and do what you want to do regardless of what they think especially if they say something about it, you stick to you and never care about them thinking they are rejecting you. Be relieved and be completely happy and cool with it and it will show them they cannot have any power over you. No exceptions. Never let them have power over you. No amount of time allows a woman to start making rules for you. Even if she becomes your girlfriend or wife.

Another book that I haven’t read but I think might get to the heart of some of this is called No More Mr. Nice Guy. It is about breaking out of the nice guy persona that many of us have been conditioned into in the west.

level 3

· 2 hr. ago · edited 24 min. ago

Jason – I read the granddaddy of all of this movement back in the 1980s. The book was by Eric Weber and it was called “How to pick up girls” – And the title, although unfortunate in some respects, got to the point of a man finding a woman to love and gave good advice on just how to do it. I had a long and very exciting dating career before meeting the woman I now love eleven years ago. We’ve been together ever since. I had a good time meeting different women, dating them and getting to understand how women think and what they desire in a man because of that slim little volume. I shall investigate your cited titles since I am writing a book that deals, in part, with this very subject of male/female relationships and dynamics.

I was married once in my 30s and TOTALLY forgot all the advice Weber wrote in his book and ended up with exactly the situation you talk about. It ended up that I was bossed around and disrespected at every level for three long years before I rose up one day and said “no more” and walked out with the clothes on my back and never looked back. Up to that day, she had been constantly telling me I wasn’t a man and subjected me to never having a moments peace. I took some humor in the fact she showed up at my new place all dolled up and trying to fetch me back, begging me to save the marriage after openly cheating on me for two years and committing the worst psychological abuse I’ve ever endured. It did me good to gently close the door on her and I moved on to a successful career and I developed into a much stronger man as a result of it. Oddly enough, after I began dating again, I ran time and again into the same sort of women, all of whom were buying into the main stream media models of what a woman should be. Strikingly, each of them were some of the most unhappy people I have ever met, once I got to know them. Learning to spot (and avoid) them and finding women who thought for themselves and didn’t buy the MSM model was the answer. The tragedy is that the ones who preach independence and role-reversal are all realizing they’ve been rooked and now find themselves alone. There is an art to understanding the psychology and timeless wisdom of how it works with male and female relationships and roles. And that art was cast aside in the 1960s and is only now being rediscovered in the men’s movement that has the feminist community outraged.

All men are subjected to such tests as I endured in life. And we have to become our own teachers in many respects, but if we are wise, we take counsel in what other men say and realize there is brotherly compassion out there where our trials are understood and friends are there to help us through. I had such support and will never forget that. My writing this note to this young man is part of me paying my experience forward to see him succeed. I listened to good advice from men I respected when I was up against it and ended up with a woman who I absolutely am in love with as a result.

You pinned it exactly right. Being more aloof and not being a beta-male, giving your power away, is the correct choice. And women, no matter what they say, are looking for that very quality in men. The feminists will rage on for my saying this truth, but rage on they can, because certain truths are timeless. Wishing for a thing to be so does not make it reality – lol.

Death to being the “nice guy” – lol – He needs to be buried and a strong confident man who sets agendas and can’t be controlled is to take his place.

Nice to meet you Jason – God Bless – Jon.


I found the “Book of Pook” freely available at https://bookofpook.com/ just FYI.

level 2

Lmao god why does everything have to devolve to power dynamics in this day and age. I’m picking up on a lot of jaded experiences with people who were self absorbed to a fault and would have been the same whether they were women or men. I swear you guys like to point to women all the time for the faults in our dating environments when the truth is guys are just as guilty for resorting to these kinds of tactics based off manipulation tactics.

Here’s a thought, look for people who share your interests and connect with them on an individual level. Have conversations with them about their interests and crack a few jokes here and there! It seems like everyone’s forgotten the age old adage when it comes to dating, humor gets you far and standing out from the crowd by being genuine in this world of facades gets you farther. Ever wondered how those couples that you perceive to be “Out of the others range” come about? The old chap probably charmed the pants off the lady and won her over solely by his merits.

As a counterpoint to this cynical view on dating: I consider myself a hopeless romantic. I still believe in Grand gestures and keeping dates simple but filled with opportunities to get to know one another. I’ve never struggled finding success with women whether that be online or in the real world, and it’s got nothing to do with all the dredge this chav above is going on about. A recurring theme among the women I speak with is their interest in me sparked by me authenticity and humor. The difference? I know my demographic, people whose interests align with my own so that our conversations never get stale. Sure I might not be able to date everyone in the world but if that’s your goal you’re no better than the woman you seem to hate for their shallow pursuits of an ever better man.

None of this is to say that you’re not going to run into the occasional materialistic individual who only places emphasis on what you can provide for them, but keep in mind that there’s still this whole other world full of people who are still just looking for a genuine connection amidst all these muddy waters. OP, if you find yourself questioning any of the advice you’ve received in this thread and want to try a different approach not centered around all these mind games, feel free to DM me! Maybe one day soon I’ll write about my experiences and talk about how different the dating scene is when you filter out the people you’re not compatible with and instead focus on your niche. Either way, whoever reads this far can feel free to reach out to me if you’re at all curious about this. Dating does not have to be like this, do better.

· 2 hr. ago · edited 2 hr. ago

I figured someone like you would come along to say something like this… Unfortunately there IS a degree of power dynamics, as you say, to dating and relationships. It is our differences as sexes that make men and women desire each other. You mistake my intent as some sort of dominance and power display. It is not that at all. Much of what I am pointing out is the dynamics of biology at play, but I did not add the obvious element that follows once the mechanics of dealing with the psychology of men and women dating dynamics is dealt with: Love. It is a very real thing you know. The entire point of a man developing the confidence to approach women and not be scared off by the atmosphere, that these days is incredibly challenging, is to find someone to love, and to be loved right back… This is the deepest desire of the human heart to combat the loneliness and have another who watches out for them in the big bad world. And it makes us FEEL good to be loved and to love.

Getting there is the problem. And that young man’s issues are that he was so fixated on finding love he was sabotaging himself. Some direct talk to help him to find what his heart desires is an act of brotherly love in and of itself. You act as if I sabotaged him by speaking bluntly about the realities of human psychology.

So no, my view is not cynical as you sit in your high and mighty chair, being judgemental while passing out almost nothing useful for that young man.

An old comparison of power and love to getting water to drink remains a truism. Those who grab water only watch it slip through their fingers in frustration. It is only by gentleness and using the power of cupping ones hand to gently let the water gravitate to their hand that gives them the cool water to drink. A man, showing his interest by being more circumspect and casual, creates that gentle power while opening the way to two hearts connecting. What is so wrong with this?

You speak of aligning interests and talking, which is all important when approaching each other as sexes. This goes without saying. Selling yourself is one thing, but having something to talk about and to keep the relationship alive and interesting is quite another. That takes work, compassion and wisdom for a long-term relationship to survive. That point of yours was about the only realistic portion of your discussion you shared while you were comparing me to an out-of-date piece of software.

No… I was not being cynical. I was being realistic about the challenges men face and to help this young man. You make plenty of assumptions in your effort to cast my views aside while taking a moralistic stance that is at once confusing and does nothing to give that young man the tools he needs to find what his heart desires.

Yes, he can “do better” as you said in your post, by not listening to you and giving self-confidence and self-respect a try, while playing the game intelligently. You mistake what I said as casual pick-up technology instead of a recognition of the problem and a decades long set of observations of the human condition that is based on how things ARE, not as I or anyone else would wish them to be. And given the toxic nature of today’s dating environment, a young man needs honest dialogue.

An old saying is that you collect more flies with honey then with vinegar. Perhaps you should start using honey? God Bless.